Why is it that WE have to spend OUR money and time and energy and efforts seeking someone who made the decision (for us) to cut us off from our roots? The lack of rights for adoptees is such bullshit.
Has any real progress been made?
Who are the people working on our behalf?
All resources are welcome.
Gaia
Has any real progress been made?
Who are the people working on our behalf?
All resources are welcome.
Gaia
posted by:
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San Diego
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Re: The lack of rights for adoptees is such bullshit.
Mon, October 31, 2005 - 3:48 PMIn California - well, let me first say, this was a huge issue for me in how I'm involved with adoption - but in California, now, birth parents have the ability to say that they can be contacted at any time if the child requests it, and if they are over 21 the information is available regardless if the birth parents want it or now. (my understanding anyway).
It was a big deal for me because if I ever did get "lost," I didn't want my birth son having to go through any beaurocratic nightmares just to find me. There's already one big bullshit meter in the paperwork of his adoption that pisses me off, so I wanted to make sure that there wasn't any others. (If you're interested - I didn't want his name on his birth certificate to change - we knew what his legal name was going to be before it was filled out, but they wouldn't let me fill it in on his first certificate. It's always been a burr under my saddle.)
Anyway - I think it's a travesty what people have to go through to know where they came from - and made a concerted effort, and ongoing effort, that my birthchild doesn't have to also. The world has changed so much in the last 20 years, and I think that slowly the politics of adoption are changing, too.
Also, in California, in the relinquishment papers for the birth fathers, they have the right to allow the child to contact them as well, and only the right to name privacy until the child is 21. Just something else - and finally, California is one of the few states in the union at the moment who have legally enforceable agreements between birth parents and adoptive parents.
~smile~
Meredith -
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Re: The lack of rights for adoptees is such bullshit.
Mon, October 31, 2005 - 4:21 PMI respect the right of a birth mother/father to remain anonymous – if they so choose.
I think I’m probably in the minority around here but I don’t feel all that great a need to reconnect with my birth parents. Hell, I can hardly deal with the parents that raised me, Add to that in-laws and I’ve got just about as much family as I can handle. -
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Re: The lack of rights for adoptees is such bullshit.
Tue, November 1, 2005 - 10:20 AMI appreciate your perspectives, especially that of the birth mother - thanks!
The reality is, I haven't even decided (at almost 36 years old) whether or not I WANT to search. My desire to do so waxes and wanes. Some say you won't have peace until you do. Others say, create your own reality and history. Still others believe what's meant to be will. I have registered with reunion indexes (back in the 80's in fact) but as of yet, it doesn't look like my birth mother IS interested in pursuing meeting me. I'm adult enough to accept and respect her wishes if that's the case. I could live with that.
What gnaws at me is the NOT KNOWING and being CUT OFF from knowing. Since I live my life as openly and honestly as possible, it is difficult to accept the fact that my birth is shrouded in secrecy and that those secrets have a perpetual grasp on the woman who gave birth to me. What, to me, is even worse yet, is the fact that a bureaucracy made and enforces those rules.
I am glad things are changing and that many of the children being adopted today are learning the truth from an early age - and/or have more rights than we did when we were adopted in the 60's. One of my best friends is involved in such a situation and little Olivia, she has 3 sets of grandparents now ... more people to love and care for her! This idea of the extended family is so foreign (literally) in our culture.
I have the utmost respect for all three parties of the adoption triad. It certainly is a complicated situation for all parties involved.
I just wish I had a picture, and a chance (and the resources/$$).
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Re: The lack of rights for adoptees is such bullshit.
Mon, October 31, 2005 - 3:49 PMOh, and you asked one more thing. . .
"Who are the people working on our behalf?"
Me. The adoption agency I went through. By standing up and saying our children have the right to know who we are, we're slowly changing the way things are done. In 2004, 70% of domestic adoptions in the U.S. were open to some degree. That number was only 15% only 4 years ago.
We're trying to make the future better than the past - one child at a time.
~smile~
Meredith -
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Unsu...
Re: The lack of rights for adoptees is such bullshit.
Sun, October 15, 2006 - 5:06 PMGood for you. Don't forget Bastard Nation, the adoptee rights organization at www.bastards.org. This is a group that works to change state laws that prevent adoptees from obtaining our original birth certificates. Bastard Nation has been around since 1996 and helped the state of Oregon reverse its sealed records law in 1998. A DVD about that fight is called "Measurable Rights." See www.measurablerights.com. If you were adopted in Oregon, New Hampshire, Alabama, Kansas, or Alaska, and for most adoptees from Tennessee, you are in luck. Otherwise, it's not so easy. -
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Re: The lack of rights for adoptees is such bullshit.
Tue, October 17, 2006 - 3:24 PMI'm a birthmother who has recently connected with my 28 year old daughter. We went through adoption.com. We both wanted to be found. I also registered on the International Soundex Registry. You'll have to google that for more info. I've started a tribe for birthmothers, as much as no information was available to adoptees, no information was available to birthmothers either, especially in the old days. My daughter and I are enjoying a happy relationship, at long last. If I can help, you let me know. -
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Re: The lack of rights for adoptees is such bullshit.
Tue, October 17, 2006 - 5:54 PMI'm already registered on both of those registries. No luck so far. Do you know anything about opening records (ie birth certificates) after a certain amount of time? Thought that might be a route to get more info at least.
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Re: The lack of rights for adoptees is such bullshit.
Thu, October 19, 2006 - 4:25 AMNo records were ever open to me. Good luck. What worked for us was we were both looking for each other. We were very fortunate. Also, her adoptive parents were straight forward with her. They "peeked" during the adoption process. I sincerely hope you get the closure that we did. Be patient, it took years. I'll be thinking about you.
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