Xin Chao (Hello) from Saigon,
As some of you know, I was on Live TV Saturday night, and I want to tell you what transpired.
To start at the beginning...last fall I moved to the city-center from the University due to noise problems in the guest house. I lived near Lenin Park at a flat where two of my friends also stayed. There was another room upstairs, and a man named Richard who had lived there before moved back in. His girlfriend Minh and he and all of us ended up having brunch at Cafe 129 one morning and Minh asked about my birthmother. She mentioned that she used to work for VTV and knew I was headed down to Saigon early December. She tried to connect me to some of her friends, but it was unsuccessful for some reason. However when I got back to Hanoi, she introduced me to this man Mr. Hai, who introduced me to his friend Ms. Uyen. She happened to be the producer and host of this TV show dedicated to helping people search for their missing relatives in Vietnam. Mainly people who's families had been severed due to the war.
When I was in Saigon in December, I went searching on my own. This included a visit to the hospital where I was born. I met a nun who I had heard still worked there. Sister Mary Vincent is 81 years old and has worked there for 35 years. She took me to the room where all the babies are born. It's more like a circular room with 5 rooms shooting out from the circle. I felt so honored to be allowed to see that place. Then they told me the address where my birthmother had lived was now a public park. I went to the park with a friend and we met some old men at a cafe, and they told me to try this other address. I thought it was the place with police, so we could ask where the people had been relocated to in Saigon when the park was built 30 years ago. But it was actually the newspaper and since it was evening or a Sunday, it was closed. That ended my search as I had to return to teach in Hanoi.
The camera crew came to Hanoi in May and shot some footage of me teaching and volunteering and did and interview in Lenin Park. They even shot me on my bicycle :) I have the DVDs to show you when I see you. They also had a man retrace my footsteps and he was able to find my birth family. However, they didn't reveal this until I was on the program the other night. After introducing me, she showed me a picture of my birth mom when she was 30 years old. I look a lot like her. She also told me she was sad to tell me that she passed away in 1978. She was epileptic and her seizures grew worse and worse until she died during one of them. I was able to meet my half-brothers and sisters who came to the show. I will be able to get a copy of the show on DVD soon. I cried a lot after I went back to sit down. It was like a sense of loss and grief that I've carried with me so long just came to the surface and I had a different sense of loss and grief, but also a little bit of relief that this missing link of my life is no longer such a mystery. Still it felt I was hit by a train or something, this heavy impact.
Today I feel much better than Saturday night, when I felt so exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically. I met with my half-brothers and sister at their home yesterday and spent 4 hours doing a sort of Q&A. It turns out that the story my mother gave the adoption agency and the story they had been told as children was different. I believe to protect them, and the families honor, the truth was hidden from them their whole lives. If you don't know the story, my birthmother's husband fought for the South Vietnamese army and was sent far way to fight. Since he was unable to send any money, my Mother had to "make contact" with a disabled Vietnamese soldier to earn money to feed her other 4 children. When he returned a year later, she was obviously pregant through this other affair and although she begged his family's forgiveness, they said if she wished to remain with them she would have to give me up. They did tell me that they remember she was gone for 20 days during my birth, and that when she returned home she cried a lot. They were all told that I died on the C5A crash during the babylift. I actually went out on the next flight the next day on Pan Am, but I guess that story stopped any more questions.
I think since the father fought for the losing side, they were shafted when they were relocated due to the building of the park. They went from living in a 30 something meter room to now living in a room that is just 1m x 3m x 7m for seven people. They did not ask for money, or for further contact, and for that I was happy. Tuy, also adopted but who has since learned the language, did a phenomenal job of translating with cultural sensitivity. I did end up giving them a gift of money, to help them with things they might need, along with some mix CD's (they have no tv, and probably don't have a disc player though) and some sage from California to add to the family alter. Since they lost their mother at a young age, the two brothers had to drop out of school around 8th grade and they became Xe Om drivers *motorcycle taxi guys*. I think they just scrape by...so I told them that I felt really lucky and wanted to share some of my luckiness with them, and they seemed really touched by that.
I have decided to stay in Saigon longer and skip out traveling South in the Delta. I will go to the medical clinic tomorrow to do the DNA testing with my older brother (which there was no fuss about), then next weekend go to visit their father who is in the hospital with lung cancer. I would also like to visit my Birth Mother's grave to pay my respects and bring some flowers and thank her for watching over me all these years. I think in this way, she was able to fulfil a role that she would have done naturally if she had the choice.
When I studied abroad in Ireland my Sr. year of college in Belfast I saw a tarot card reader. At the end of the reading he asked if I had any specific questions and I inquired about my Birth Mother. He told me then, he believed she'd passed on into the spirit world, but was looking after me, protecting me, guiding me, etc...so when she pulled out the photo
before she even told me, I somehow knew what the answer would be. It was a big shock, and I was pretty speechless thereafter.
Right now I'm trying to take note of these feelings and write down some of my thoughts so that I can process them more thoroughly on the road. I feel grateful that there are people here (other adoptees) that care for me and have been able to comfort me through this. It helps to be with someone who has walked the same path and did the same search and felt the same feelings. I have been able to satisfy this life-long curiosity and I don't look at it as an ending, but somewhat as closing the book on the mystery I thought I'd just always live with. This closure is a welcome shift, but I also feel that its an opening of a whole new chapter of possibilities. I would like to assist my blood brothers and sisters in the future and get to know them better. Maybe not give them a hand-out, but a "hand up". The tools that they need to better generate a business, sustain themselves and do more than just survive. More than anything, I feel so fortunate. I am a big believer in fate/destiny; that part of me is very Vietnamese. I felt like the Universe really made everything fall into place, and the journey/quest has lead to success where many have tried and failed. I never ceased to be amazed by life's little surprises. It feels more good than ever, just to be alive.
Love,
Tiffany
_______________________________
For those of you that missed it, the show will be rebroadcast Saturday afternoon from 2-3pm, the 12th of July 2008, on VTV1.
Or you can watch by the link below:
media.vtv.vn click on VTV1 in the bar. - If the connection is good, the show could be online. But it will be in the Vietnamese language.
At the moment, you can check the video of the show at: haylentieng.vn/ but good luck navigating the site, as its in Vietnamese.
There was also a Newspaper article that came out...also in Vietnamese (sorry)
www4.thanhnien.com.vn/Doisong...8896.tno
As some of you know, I was on Live TV Saturday night, and I want to tell you what transpired.
To start at the beginning...last fall I moved to the city-center from the University due to noise problems in the guest house. I lived near Lenin Park at a flat where two of my friends also stayed. There was another room upstairs, and a man named Richard who had lived there before moved back in. His girlfriend Minh and he and all of us ended up having brunch at Cafe 129 one morning and Minh asked about my birthmother. She mentioned that she used to work for VTV and knew I was headed down to Saigon early December. She tried to connect me to some of her friends, but it was unsuccessful for some reason. However when I got back to Hanoi, she introduced me to this man Mr. Hai, who introduced me to his friend Ms. Uyen. She happened to be the producer and host of this TV show dedicated to helping people search for their missing relatives in Vietnam. Mainly people who's families had been severed due to the war.
When I was in Saigon in December, I went searching on my own. This included a visit to the hospital where I was born. I met a nun who I had heard still worked there. Sister Mary Vincent is 81 years old and has worked there for 35 years. She took me to the room where all the babies are born. It's more like a circular room with 5 rooms shooting out from the circle. I felt so honored to be allowed to see that place. Then they told me the address where my birthmother had lived was now a public park. I went to the park with a friend and we met some old men at a cafe, and they told me to try this other address. I thought it was the place with police, so we could ask where the people had been relocated to in Saigon when the park was built 30 years ago. But it was actually the newspaper and since it was evening or a Sunday, it was closed. That ended my search as I had to return to teach in Hanoi.
The camera crew came to Hanoi in May and shot some footage of me teaching and volunteering and did and interview in Lenin Park. They even shot me on my bicycle :) I have the DVDs to show you when I see you. They also had a man retrace my footsteps and he was able to find my birth family. However, they didn't reveal this until I was on the program the other night. After introducing me, she showed me a picture of my birth mom when she was 30 years old. I look a lot like her. She also told me she was sad to tell me that she passed away in 1978. She was epileptic and her seizures grew worse and worse until she died during one of them. I was able to meet my half-brothers and sisters who came to the show. I will be able to get a copy of the show on DVD soon. I cried a lot after I went back to sit down. It was like a sense of loss and grief that I've carried with me so long just came to the surface and I had a different sense of loss and grief, but also a little bit of relief that this missing link of my life is no longer such a mystery. Still it felt I was hit by a train or something, this heavy impact.
Today I feel much better than Saturday night, when I felt so exhausted mentally, emotionally, physically. I met with my half-brothers and sister at their home yesterday and spent 4 hours doing a sort of Q&A. It turns out that the story my mother gave the adoption agency and the story they had been told as children was different. I believe to protect them, and the families honor, the truth was hidden from them their whole lives. If you don't know the story, my birthmother's husband fought for the South Vietnamese army and was sent far way to fight. Since he was unable to send any money, my Mother had to "make contact" with a disabled Vietnamese soldier to earn money to feed her other 4 children. When he returned a year later, she was obviously pregant through this other affair and although she begged his family's forgiveness, they said if she wished to remain with them she would have to give me up. They did tell me that they remember she was gone for 20 days during my birth, and that when she returned home she cried a lot. They were all told that I died on the C5A crash during the babylift. I actually went out on the next flight the next day on Pan Am, but I guess that story stopped any more questions.
I think since the father fought for the losing side, they were shafted when they were relocated due to the building of the park. They went from living in a 30 something meter room to now living in a room that is just 1m x 3m x 7m for seven people. They did not ask for money, or for further contact, and for that I was happy. Tuy, also adopted but who has since learned the language, did a phenomenal job of translating with cultural sensitivity. I did end up giving them a gift of money, to help them with things they might need, along with some mix CD's (they have no tv, and probably don't have a disc player though) and some sage from California to add to the family alter. Since they lost their mother at a young age, the two brothers had to drop out of school around 8th grade and they became Xe Om drivers *motorcycle taxi guys*. I think they just scrape by...so I told them that I felt really lucky and wanted to share some of my luckiness with them, and they seemed really touched by that.
I have decided to stay in Saigon longer and skip out traveling South in the Delta. I will go to the medical clinic tomorrow to do the DNA testing with my older brother (which there was no fuss about), then next weekend go to visit their father who is in the hospital with lung cancer. I would also like to visit my Birth Mother's grave to pay my respects and bring some flowers and thank her for watching over me all these years. I think in this way, she was able to fulfil a role that she would have done naturally if she had the choice.
When I studied abroad in Ireland my Sr. year of college in Belfast I saw a tarot card reader. At the end of the reading he asked if I had any specific questions and I inquired about my Birth Mother. He told me then, he believed she'd passed on into the spirit world, but was looking after me, protecting me, guiding me, etc...so when she pulled out the photo
before she even told me, I somehow knew what the answer would be. It was a big shock, and I was pretty speechless thereafter.
Right now I'm trying to take note of these feelings and write down some of my thoughts so that I can process them more thoroughly on the road. I feel grateful that there are people here (other adoptees) that care for me and have been able to comfort me through this. It helps to be with someone who has walked the same path and did the same search and felt the same feelings. I have been able to satisfy this life-long curiosity and I don't look at it as an ending, but somewhat as closing the book on the mystery I thought I'd just always live with. This closure is a welcome shift, but I also feel that its an opening of a whole new chapter of possibilities. I would like to assist my blood brothers and sisters in the future and get to know them better. Maybe not give them a hand-out, but a "hand up". The tools that they need to better generate a business, sustain themselves and do more than just survive. More than anything, I feel so fortunate. I am a big believer in fate/destiny; that part of me is very Vietnamese. I felt like the Universe really made everything fall into place, and the journey/quest has lead to success where many have tried and failed. I never ceased to be amazed by life's little surprises. It feels more good than ever, just to be alive.
Love,
Tiffany
_______________________________
For those of you that missed it, the show will be rebroadcast Saturday afternoon from 2-3pm, the 12th of July 2008, on VTV1.
Or you can watch by the link below:
media.vtv.vn click on VTV1 in the bar. - If the connection is good, the show could be online. But it will be in the Vietnamese language.
At the moment, you can check the video of the show at: haylentieng.vn/ but good luck navigating the site, as its in Vietnamese.
There was also a Newspaper article that came out...also in Vietnamese (sorry)
www4.thanhnien.com.vn/Doisong...8896.tno
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