No ma, sorry but i'm getting there. I am adopted by a single woman. When she adopted me she was 38 and i was a newborn. She is now 68 and she hasn't really got much longer. she's very sick and i think that has been my biggest mental almost collapse lately. my family doesn't talk to me because i'm half black and Korean(don't even ask, long story that makes me mad everytime i get into it) and my biggest fear in life has always been to die alone or to end up alone forever. That would truly be my hell and when my mother dies that's exactly where i'll be again. alone. because my birth mother was korean she didn't have a SS# when i was born so it is making it imposible to find her if she is even alive.

Hey, I read your original post, but didn't really have much to comment on. I guess you were just looking for someone who could understand though.

My b-mom died when I was 7, so no matter when I had started searching it wouldn't have helped. Sometimes I feel like it was my fault, even though I know it was her decision. She had polio when she was 11, and her heart was very weak. After having me her heart was even weaker, and she died a few years later of congestive heart failure.

I found my b-family, but am not at all close to them, mostly because I didn't want to find them, but was forced to so that I could get my records opened. I do feel bad about not being as close because my b-grandfather seems to be a genuinely nice man, and really wants to meet me. It's just not something I want though.

Hello Stillfire.....

Just found you today but am glad I did. I decided to search a month ago for my birthmom, and found out today she passed away 3 years ago. I can't believe how sad I am for a stranger's passing.

I take it you've had a similar experience? I'm new to this....still other posts to read but I'm glad Google led me here.

Take care.

:-)
Chris